2 Steps back

I worked hard to develop my patience, and I feel like it’s coming along. I paused when you weren’t understanding right away, and held my tongue when I thought you were wrong. 

Move one step forward. 

But then I got angry at the tiniest thing and confronted you with all of my wrath. I guess I’m still not as patient as I’d like, and my mouth is in need of a bath.

Take a step back

I feel like my compassion is growing, my heart reaches out to all. When situations arise, I put my desires aside and build bridges while tearing down walls.  

Take another step forward

Though if I’m feeling frustrated or down, don’t expect anything extra from me. I put compassion to rest and allow selfishness to thrive, empowering separation needlessly.  

2 steps back

I feel like my mind is calming down, the clutter is clearing out. Life no longer passes me by since my thoughts no longer shout.

The sky is looking clear 

That is, until something comes along that disturbs me and rocks the boat. My mind takes back the steering wheel, I tune out and pick up the remote. 

Grab the umbrella 

I feel like I’m taking things less personally, like my chest is starting to unclench. Whatever people say or do, my heart is at rest, my thoughts don’t go wild, and my emotions remain calm on the bench. 

Take one step into life

That lasts until someone steps out of line and I have trouble letting it go. I lay down the law, brutal and precise, stooping way down low. I’ll show them where they went wrong, hiding behind justice to mask my desire; I wanted to be right all along. 

Push away again 

It’s hard not to be disappointed, when I’ve worked on myself for so long. All this hard work seems to be uprooted the second the tiniest thing goes wrong. 

It seems like self-development is broken, the pieces all fall when things shake.

A true to life Hydra, the more that I cut, the stronger it grows, and every problem solved leaves more in its wake.

Instead of trimming weeds by the head, perhaps I’ll hunt for the root. If the self is a bottomless pit of improvements, then maybe I should give that self the boot. 

For whats the point of improving a notion that is inherently a flaw? Just because it’s my past doesn’t mean that it’s me by law. 

Self development is addressing the surface, the personality, what we need is to go deep, and fast. The heart’s where we live, but the head will protest, so it’s time for a surgical bypass. I spend so much energy trying to make myself perfect, when perfection is all around. The mind is the issue, with all its opinions, but no longer do I heed its sound.